Well Thank God for THAT: Mood ring tail

So, remember last year, when Japanese company Neurowear came out with cat ears that you wear, and that sense your mood, and then move around accordingly?

Well, now they're coming out with the tail version! Not only does your tail wag in accordance with your sensed mood, it will transmit your mood to a social network, so that you can "search for places that many people found relaxing," and not at all so that you can "figure out where all the horny people are."

Here's the "concept movie," which is set to the exact same music as the cat-ears concept movie. When we find this kind of self plagiarism in biology, we call it "convergent evolution." Typically it means that nature has found an optimal(ish) solution that is strongly favored by natural selection. Either that, or that biology's marketing department is lazy and overpaid.


Oh, and it's name is "shippo."

Well Thank God for THAT! The smell of a new Macbook

So, do you recall the smell wafting from the box the first time you opened up your Macbook Pro? Yeah, me neither. But here are some folks who have recreated that scent for an upcoming exhibition in Melbourne, Australia. According to Air Aroma, the scent

encompasses the smell of the plastic wrap covering the box, printed ink on the cardboard, the smell of paper and plastic components within the box and of course the aluminum laptop which has come straight from the factory where it was assembled in China

with overtones of Mike Daisey's severed fingers.

At the moment, the scent is just for the exhibition, but hopefully it will be such a hit that they'll market it as a unisex fragrance. Perfect for if, when your partner is unwrapping you, you want them to be overwhelmed with a sense of "I can't believe they changed the port again. Now I have to go out and buy a whole new adapter."

via Geekologie.

Well Thank God for THAT: Booty Pillow

So, have you been having a hard time getting your booty rest? Maybe the problem is that you've been sleeping on normal pillow like a schmuck.

Lucky for you, someone has invented the booty pillow, which, according to the website,

The Booty Pillow^TM is the world’s first male comfort pillow.  While it is a male comfort pillow, the ladies love it too! The pillow is made to replicate the feeling of laying on a woman’s backside. Cause really, who doesn’t love laying on nature’s pillow???

Men and women love the Booty Pillow -- especially while playing virtual twister over the internet using their new kinect. 

Although . . . it seems that men love it more than women -- so much, in fact, that their wives/girlfriends are forced to turn to lesbianism.

The Booty Pillow is shaped and styled like a woman's back -- at least if the woman is a thong-wearing quintuple amputee.

It comes in a variety of colors, including (left to right in the top picture) cheetah, caramel, burgundy, and chocolate, as well as (not pictured) "Amsterdaaamn," snow leopard, and two collegiate colors (crimson and purple) for your recent grad.

Hat tip to Jeremy Van Cleve, who sits on an enormous ovary pillow when he is working at his desk, which explains both his rock-hard abs and his stone-cold evolutionary theory.

Well Thank God for THAT: Blood (another new fragrance)

So, let's say you're a teenage girl. And, say, due to undisclosed psychological damage, you really want a weird, controlling, MUCH older, sparkly, smelly boyfriend. And, you want sex with said boyfriend to violently knock you unconscious. AND, you want the resulting pregnancy to nearly kill you, so that he has to perform an amateur c-section on you . . . with his teeth.

Why would you want this? I honestly have no idea. But, hey, we don't judge here at Lost in Transcription.

Introducing BLOOD CONCEPT, a set of fragrances out of Italy. Dab a little of this behind your ears, and you'll soon be fighting off swarms of vampires AND mosquitos.

I am AB negative, which means that I have a head of  "Aldehydes. Aluminium. Slate," A middle of "Pebble. Aqua," and a base of "Cedar Wood. Metallic Notes." Or maybe it means I have the negative of that.

Direct from the website:

Filled with legends and meanings, blood is soaked with mystery‚ fascination and respect. it’s the most tested and studied part of human body and it guards a multitude of secrets that reveals our inner and unique way of being.

BLOOD CONCEPT is a private celebration of the vivid and fascinating liquid that flows in our veins. Because blood is actually the river of life.

A, B, AB and 0, retrace the evolution of manhood through time and its record of information, history and mutation, so well kept in the vital flushing of blood. 

BLOOD CONCEPT is a mystic ritual with no flowers to be found: deep as primeval Africa in 0‚ aromatic as the scent of familiar land in A, bold as unpredictable itineraries in B, bold and sharp as a metropolitan skyline in AB.

Ending each time with the same subtle and mysterious note: a metallic vague suspicion.

 Oddly enough, in that text (copied and pasted), that fourth flavor is not the letter "O", but the number zero.

Well Thank God for THAT: Bacon Cologne

So, previously I wrote about a cologne based on the conservative torture-porn television franchise 24. Here we have another fragrance for men that seems either unlikely or inevitable, depending on you outlook on life: bacon-flavored cologne.

It's called Bacōn.

Just like 24: the fragrance, Bacōn contains notes of bergamot, and just like Kiefer Sutherland, Bacōn is Canadian Ham, or something like that.



The website features a 360-degree view of the box, allowing you access to life tips such as "Avoid spraying in eyes," as well as the enigmatic "Flammable."

Catchphrase: Scent by the gods.

Well Thank God for THAT: Bill & Ted 3

So, if you were worried that Hollywood was going to just close up shop after they finished making movies based on comic-book characters, rest easy. Keanu has informed the world that there will be a sequel that will answer all of the questions that were left unanswered at the end of the second movie.

Says Keanu, "I believe the writers are six weeks away from a draft."

I take this to mean that the writers will be starting on the project in about four weeks.

"[T]here's an element of time, and they have to go back," he added.

Story and video at MTV News.

Well Thank God for THAT: Cloud Girlfriend

So, I sincerely hope that this is a real thing, because I am honestly beginning to think that it may be the last hope for **Name Redacted**.

Step 5: Disappoint your parents, but in a way that is likely to be different from any of the myriad ways you have disappointed them in the past.

Supposedly launching soon. They have a place where you can enter your e-mail, because, as they explain: "Due to high demand we are only able to accommodate a limited number of users to the site. Register early to get in line."

Personally, I put it at 50/50 as to whether or not this is real, or just a setup for some sort of phishing scam. Either way, I'm almost certain that that giving them your e-mail will set you up for an ungodly amount of spam. So, unless you are having trouble finding anyone on the internet who is willing to sell you viagra, I would recommend against signing up at this stage.

How about this. If you heed my advice, and refrain from giving them your e-mail, but then find that when the service launches, they've already filled up, I will send you an message once a week asking if these jeans make me look fat.

via Geekologie

Update: My wife is worried that the last bit there might come of as misogynistic, although I would argue that it is meta. As in, I assume that this is the sort of cliche, misogynistic message that would constitute the bulk of the communications from a virtual girlfriend service.

Also, she says that yes, these jeans do make me look fat.

Well Thank God for THAT: Breastfeeding Doll

So, here's the latest must-have Christmas gift for the parents who want to raise their daughters to believe that their only value to society is their ability to breed. Introducing Bebé Glotón. I'm going to deliberately refrain from employing Google Translate here and just say that it means "Gluttonous Baby" in, let's say, Provençal.

Now, I should say that I've got no horse in the breastfeeding race. And, to be fair, as far as sex-role stereotypes that get reinforced by children's toys go, this at least has a reasonable physiological basis.

The thing that really strikes me is how much this toy would . . . er . . . suck. Just look at the girl's face as she is demonstrating feeding and then burping Gluttonous Baby. That look in her eyes is her pleading with her overbearing stage parents to please, please let her go play with a more entertaining toy, like maybe that stick on the ground that they walked by on the way to the studio.

Well Thank God for THAT: Boneless Belt

So, now we know what tragedy really unfolds when you don't cut up those plastic six-pack holders before you throw them out. They are shipped to Japan, soldered together, and sold as dubious weight-loss products.

If you're having a flashback to the Play-Doh Fun Factory you had as a kid, you're not alone.

Apparently, it "works" by dividing your fat into "easily manageable blobs," which "raises the propensity for increased blood-flow values."

Yes, I'm sure that's exactly what happens.

As if Japan did not have enough to deal with right now.

Slate has an article with a couple of tips for donating to help out with Japan's other National catastrophes. Please check it out, and, if you're in a position to do so, give generously.

via Gizmodo

Well Thank God for THAT: Thunderwear

So, this comes to us from the file of things you didn't even know you needed: Thunderwear! What is Thunderwear, you ask? Obviously, it is underwear with a built-in holster for your gun. Well, I guess technically it is a holster that you wear under your pants, but over your underwear. But, that assumes that you actually own and wear underwear, and I don't like to make assumptions about my readers. You know what happens when you assume!

On the Thunderwear website, the filename for this photo is actually "happy.jpg." Insert "is that a ___ in your pocket . . ." joke here.

Anyway, I wanted to draw attention to this product, because most of this blog's readers are probably academics, and the current wave of gun-lobby insanity is for states to allow concealed weapons to be carried at universities. Or, more specifically, to require universities to allow concealed weapons on campus. I believe that Utah has already passed such a law, and legislation has been proposed in a number of other states, including Texas and Arizona. So, next time a student comes in to argue about their grade on a test, you'll be ready.

Pretty cool, but I'm going to wait for the one that I can customize with the name of my sorority across the backside. 

The site also provides testimonials. Here, by far, is the best one:

"I have been wearing it tonight with the P230 and it works fine. Tried it out at dinnertime in jeans & a t -shirt, neither wife nor kids were the wiser. thanks." A.P Los Angeles CA.

No, indeed, they were not.

Well Thank God for THAT: 24 The Fragrance

So, remember how just the other day you were saying that you wished you could smell like a blend of gunpowder, blood, and moral relativism? Well, you're in luck! Park Fragrance has introduced a new fragrance just for you: 24.

If you're a big fan of torture porn, you've probably seen the TV show 24. For the rest of you, it's the one where Kiefer Sutherland assembles an action-packed argument justifying the abandonment of all principles when dealing with one's enemies.

24™ toilet water.  Not just for waterboarding!

There are two "24" eaux de toilette: Classic and Gold. Classic has a "blend of bergamot, lemon, mandarin, and orange." It is "masculine and self assured," just like you were that time you were working over Earl Grey with a pair of pliers in a citrus grove. It is "quickly [sic] underpinned by a spicy oriental core." Just like a North Korean nuclear facility!

Gold is for both men and women and "opens with emotions of vibrancy created by notes of jasmine, sandalwood, amber, and vanilla." Gold is "precious and captivating," recapitulating the show's characters and most overused plot device, respectively.

Well Thank God for THAT: Mr. Peabody and Sherman headed to the big screen

So, what do you do with the two guys who wrote the screenplay for Yogi Bear, which was filmed in approximately three too many dimensions and made as much money as sense? Well, if you're Dreamworks, you pay them to make another fifty-year-old cartoon into a movie. Or rather, a cartoon that was part of another cartoon. And then you cast Robert Downey Jr. as a dog. Presumably because his complete lack of talent complements the complete lack of creativity at the studio.

Following similar logic, I assume that the soundtrack will be composed by feeding beans to a room full of monkeys.

The movie will be based on Peabody's Improbable History, which was a regular feature on The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. In it, Mr. Peabody, a bespectacled dog-genius, and his sidekick, Sherman, a bespectacled boy-not-genius, use the WABAC machine to travel back in time and visit famous historical events.

The historical events in question unfold in humorous ways.

To be fair, this was the second best segment on the show, after Bullwinkle reading poetry. But still, why would Dreamworks do this? With real money that could have been better spent feeding the poor, or, if we're honest, teaching the poor Esperanto?

Here's the good news. Director Rob Minkoff says,

Mr. Peabody is this genetic anomaly. He does have brothers and sisters, all of them non-speaking, no[n] super-smart dogs. He's an outcast, but has overcome it by being so great at so many things.

So yay, genetics, presumably in the form of a mutation at FOXP2, or that X-Men locus. And overcoming the adversity of being a genius – through the "being so great at so many things."

The other good news? At the time of this writing, at least, Ed isn't in it.

Well Thank God for THAT: Novelization of Gulliver's Travels

So, this week at Lost in Transcription we'll be rolling out a few new features. The first of these is Well Thank God for THAT, which will cover some of those "current" "events."

If you haven't been to your local bookstore recently, you may have missed the fact that Simon Spotlight has published a novelization of Gulliver's Travels. Now a generation will not be deprived of this Jack Black classic during a power outage that is long enough for their laptops to run out of juice, but not so long that their kindles run out of juice.

If you've never read it, Gulliver's Travels offers an almost swiftian satire of human nature. It focuses particularly on two of our most enduring foibles: (1) being fat, and (2) saying "awesome" a lot.